i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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