also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
