i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
