do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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