were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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