I faked an abortion last night.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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