my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
