She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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