This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
