i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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