Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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