already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
