I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
