Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
