is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
