i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
