I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
