I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
