I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
