bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
