I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
