She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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