You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
