I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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