i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
