I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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