What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
