just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
