You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
