my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
