You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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