Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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