you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize