I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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