In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
