All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
