I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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