Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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