just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
