when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize