ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
