She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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