i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
