4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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