PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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