where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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