Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize