Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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