apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
