His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
