One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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