So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
