If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
