apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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