Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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