It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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