I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize