Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
