How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
