I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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