I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
