I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
