Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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