Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
