he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize