You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
