Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
