And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
