the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
