u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize