Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
