you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
