sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
