come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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