i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
