actually, I'm a sock model
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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