I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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